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But he could not come. She tried to end it gently. She did. One day he met her at the Botanical Gardens, where it had begun and where they had gone again from time to time, and as they sat together in a small gazebo overlooking a peaceful stream, she hesitantly began: ‘Charlie–Larry’s getting so much better, I don’t think I can do this any more.’ His mind was frozen. He was filled instantly with fear, fear of the darkness and the cold, of nonexistence, of living once again without her love. It was the unmoving center of his turning years and days, the center of his life, the reason and the hope of his whole being. He looked at her, and his face was bleak. ‘You’re going to break my heart again, aren’t you?’ She looked stricken. ‘Oh, no!’ she quickly said. She took him in her arms and said, ‘No, never! I love you, Charlie! Please don’t be afraid!’ He could not remember what she said after that. They saw a movie, and he could not remember much of that, either. She reassured him. With stiff movements he picked up the phone, dialed a single number, and said, "The woman is coming down. Admit her." He turned his chair away when he hung up.Everyone stared at Ashe as she walked down the halls. Or maybe it only seemed that way? They couldn't possibly all know, she told herself. She kept her eyes on her feet.The room was not Lily's ordinary room: Monitors and medical equipment was stacked up on either side of her bed, but most of them didn't even seem to be turned on. There was, as always, a one-way mirror. Lily smiled at Ashe. "I'm feeling much better now," she said. "The bleeding stopped. I'm sorry if I worried you." That's…all right," Ashe said. She fumbled with the chair in the room. Her knees quaked even as she sat. Lily still smiled. It pierced Ashe's heart. "Lily," she said, "did you tell them…"The words wouldn't come. She licked her lips and tried something else:"I think this is goodbye. I think I'm not going to be your doctor anymore."Lily's smile.
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